LOVE PART 2.

I guess this is just the week of love...what perfect timing.

I have actually been meaning to slap this up here for the past day or two but am just getting around to it. Even now, I question the full reality or even truth of it all. Because this isn't a magical transformation, change is at times hard to see. But, I believe I have seen it slowly nudge into view.

Anyways...after that last post a couple days ago, I laid in bed waiting to go to sleep with thoughts scrolling through my mind as usual. I was taken aback to the very first days of January, before everyone had returned for the new term. This was before the major tensions broke out. I was taken aback to a prayer I prayed. I don't remember the specifics. All I remember is that it related to something I was reading and the author had warned me that this was a dangerous prayer. I prayed it anyways. The prayer was this: that I would realize the hugeness of God and how I can do absolutely nothing on my own. That this world and life is all about Him. I cried this out.

And as I lay in bed the other night, I put my hands part way around the reality of this. Putting God in charge of everything. That means relationships. That means love. That means joy. Could it be that the life was squeezed out of me at that point, when I prayed that prayer. Could it be that I'm so used to finding 'things' that bring me life? Could it be that I'm so used to loving others on my own. Finally, I'm realizing that I can't do it. My love will fail. My nice little human produced happiness that I have mistaken for joy will not cut it.

Do you realize the magnitude of coming to grips with this? My eyes are only beginning to be opened to the truth of it all. But, as I've acknowledged this & began to recognize my need for dependence, the life seems to be slowly trickling back. I realize it's a slow process, but I believe the bitterness is beginning to fade. The love may possibly be starting to shine through the cracks.

We must face this. God is only going to work when we give Him room. If we're trapped in thinking that we can produce a humanistic horizontal-plane love, then we will become weary. The love must vertically come down from above. It must be an overflow and response to our Father's love for us. This is true life.