WONDER.

Yesterday was another day on Transit. I found myself, once again, at the Construction Bus project serving local teens. A lot of the day was spent talking to another of the guys on our team about frustrations here. Yet again. Over my weeks of fasting I definitely felt removed from the community with a lack of meal times, etc. And, the impression I had was that everyone was content with how things were going. We had new schedules. People seemed more excited about them. How wrong I was. There are others here who are even more dissatisfied than before. This so-called '40 days of prayer' has turned out to be a label. And that's where it's ended for the group. Nothing is changing. The worst is that our group leadership doesn't seem to realize. Yet we all do. Things will be said soon.

So, anyways, after a long day of analyzing Transit, we soon found ourselves walking home and still talking. Know that we're trying to handle this in the most positive way possible. We all hate that it's turned into what can seem to be complaints and bickering. Pray that we'll have critical minds but not critical spirits and hearts. Like I was saying. We were walking home before dinner late yesterday afternoon. The weather was cold. Colder than it's been. Quite the contrast from the sunny warmth of this past weekend. So, of course I was commenting yet again on the lack of snow. From what seemed like Day 1, I was informed that it doesn't snow here. Don't dream it up. We'll get a few light snows and that's about it. I held onto that reality, no matter how discouraging it was. (I still think it's going to snow on my birtday, though.) Anyways...we found ourselves talking about old childhood memories. The days when you'd go to bed and it would be snowing like crazy and all you could do was pray that school would be cancelled in the morning. Those were the days. When you'd watch the news and see your school scan across the screen with a big bold 'CANCELLED' below it. Or the days when you'd wake up in the morning and your room would seem just a bit brighter than normal. You'd turn to look out the window and everything would be coated in white. But not here in England. It will be freezing cold. It will rain. But, get over your hopes for snow. Blame it on global warming.

After dinner last night I found myself talking to a couple more individuals on our team about Transit. More frustrations. It's a different program than we came for. This is not the year-out program we read about on the 24-7 website. The opinions are the same. It may be great in theory but it's not happening in reality. We're not living lives of prayer. And the leadership isn't doing anything about it. So, we're going to. Change is going to come.

At one point, crazy prayer ideas were brought up, like staying up all night or just doing things out of the ordinary. Getting away from the typical 'prayer time.' So, I walked away encouraged and decided that I would stay up all night. Just trying out something new. Keeping 'night watch'.

I was soon in my room with some christmas lights on and a bunch of candles lit. Music was quietly playing on my computer. I was kneeling on the floor. It was 11pm. By 11:30pm I was laying on my back covered with my duvet. Asleep. I kept waking up during the next couple hours, obviously uncomfortable from the hard floor. The candles were still burning. The CD had finished so it was completely silent. And I went back to sleep. Finally, at 5:30am, I was wide awake. I jumped up, dissapointed and frustrated that I hadn't kept very good 'watch.' Another attempt at prayer failed. But, as I stood up, something caught my eye outside. The roofs next door were glowing. They were white. It had snowed!

My first thought was that I should kneel back down and attempt to bring in the morning with some prayer. That wasn't logical. I put my jacket, scarf, and gloves over my three layers I still had on from yeserday. I took a couple gulps of juice, slipped on my boots and silently crept out the door.

A whole new world awaited me outside. I felt like a kid again. As I look back over my life, I can't think of any 'first snows'. None of them are memorable. But, there was something different about this. It was still completely dark as I began walking down the sidewalk. With each step I formed a fresh new crunchy footprint. The sidewalk was a blank canvas. No one had walked this way yet. It was still early morning. Cars rushed by, seeming to miss the newness of it all. They were on their way to work. They didn't have time to enjoy. They didn't have time to look. They didn't have time to wonder.

I soon found myself walking across fields where muddy footpaths usually lie. For the first time I noticed somthing about the snow at night. With the lack of light, I realized that I would typically be in pitch-black at this hour in this location. But this morning was different. The darkness had been overcome. Dominated. The snow gave off a somewhat mystical light. I could see the hills in the distance. The trees seemed illuminated. But, the cars far off to the right kept zooming by.

An hour or so later I found myself sitting on a bench still trying to take it all in. The sun still had a while before it would rise. As I sat there, I thought about the dreams I had just had in my restlessness of half-way sleeping through the night. I began to wonder whether this was a dream. Was I sitting in a dream right now? I had the sense that God had drawn me out into this vast place to show me this. To see his glory. Chills fill my body even as I type. I assured myself that it wasn't all a dream. But, I also assured myself that God was trying to speak. I began thinking around the whole idea of grace and how snow is one of the best pictures of it. I think about the movie "Crash." What a brilliant film that is. Yet, what strikes me each time I watch it is the fact that it snows at the end. In California. In Hollywood. We finally get a glimpse into all these lives. Messed up lives. Yet lives moving towards redemption and change. So much negativity is pictured in that film. Yet you see that the people are trying despite their constant failures. Then, at the very end, the snow begins to fall. Over each of them. Over the death and decay that has just been pictured. It's unexplainable. It's warm California. It's unexpected. Not normal. Grace.

And so, as I sat there this morning. I saw grace poured out across this place. It was as if God was assuring me that my time is in his hands. Not that I don't need to work to bring about change here, but that he is so much bigger and can do so much more than I could ever do on my own. He wants to be in charge. He is the Creator who poured out a beautiful pure coating across the mud and muck last night. I mean, honestly, is there really a point of snow? Do we really need this moisture to fall from the sky and turn solid and white when it gets cold enough? No. Not at all. But look at the beauty in it. Look at the joy it brings.

I kept on walking from that place. Down trails through the woods. Across bridges. With each step, the first footprint on fresh snow. Crunch after crunch. It was like I had stepped into a fairy tale land. I walked by gnarly old trees coated in snow. The backdrop was a soft pastel pink and blue as the sun came up. I passed by bushes with purple flowers peeking out from underneath the fluffy coating. I passed college dormitories, the lights still out. Not a person to be seen. As I walked by the river, I came to a park. There sat a police car...the police man beside it leaning over and rolling a snowball across the pavement as if to be making a snowman. I slowly walked by, knowing that I hadn't been noticed. But, as I was nearly past, still watching him out of the corner of my eye, he jumped up to a standing position and quickly huried to his car, opening the trunk. He had seen me and acted as if he had been 'caught'. This is life! In England people don't make eye-contact with you as they pass you on the street. They look away. This morning strangers actually looked me in the eye. We exchanged smiles and 'good-morning' greetings. But, the cars still rushed by, seemingly unaffected by it all. Five minutes later, I heard a siren and that same police man was on the chase to track someone down. I hope his joy wasn't that short-lived.

I returned home 3 1/2 hours later. The sidewalks were now just wet and slushy. Footprints were all over the place. The snow in our back yard is nearly completly melted. And I had missed a prayer meeting that I was planning to intend. But, that's fine by me. And, I don't think God is too disappointed either. This morning I stood in awe of Him. Holy wonder. Satisfaction and thanksgiving. It really was all quite surreal. And, I wonder if it was a gift just for me. A dream. Visual words from my Creator.