LIFE.

Last week I had a conversation with a friend back home. They were telling me how college life was difficult because of the lack of good relationships. They told me how they felt that they were misunderstood. They also told me that they feel like that is one of the most difficult feelings in life…to be misunderstood.

Today I found myself walking to meet with one of the big Transit leaders. I had been promised this meeting weeks ago and was looking forward to it since then. It was supposed to be a time of reflecting on Transit thus far, looking at this next term and then looking forward to the future. Sounded good. Trying to see how we could bridge the gap and make this course more individually catered.

As I walked, the reality hit me. Could the source of so many of my frustrations here be that I feel misunderstood? Could it be that I feel more like a project than a person? Less and less like an individual? Could this be the reason for the lack of life here?

One of the leaders of 24-7prayer has told us something that has really stuck with me in the past weeks. He was saying how there are 5 types of people in life: resourceful, teachable, important, nice & draining. The problem is that we spend most of our time in the Church with those last two. We must learn to instead surround ourselves with the first three. We must be with people who fuel our passions and visions. We must seek to be around those who energize us instead of drain us. This whole idea slams me in the face. I’ve completely learned the necessity of this in the last couple months. Note to self: remember this in the future.

So, back to the meeting, once again. It started with looking at how I’ve felt Transit has gone thus far. He already knew quite a bit of my past feelings and so I tried to focus more on the recent. In all honesty, I could talk for hours about the frustrations and how I think I’ve seen the good thus far. Today I couldn’t put much of it into words, though.
So, instead, I sat and listened to him tell me that he felt one of the biggest things for me was that I decided to stick this year out in the midst of difficulties. Being misunderstood. Are you serious?! I am not one who is about to quit simply to get away from the tough times. Again, I feel like a project instead of a person.

The meeting progressed and I soon found myself dumping my heart out. Ideas for the future. Dreams. Speaking of how lots of Transit has seemed to put ‘meat on the bones’ of those ideas. A mere twenty minutes had now passed. And the meeting was over. Misunderstood. Another thing to check off the list. A project.

I’m taken back to last spring. It was when I was really wrestling with ideas for the future. I found myself speaking with an individual about plans to be in Atlanta. Expecting some super-spiritual response from this particular person, I was taken aback when he responded in such a simple way. His advice was that choosing our next step in life must be highly influenced by the people we will be surrounded by. As simple as that. They must fuel our passions. They can’t just be ‘nice’ people.

So, how do we respond to this? I don’t believe that we can just choose to ignore those who are more difficult to get along with. We must still love them, despite the fact that they drain us. But, it is vital that we surround ourselves with those who understand us well…those who challenge and push us on. I’ve found glimpses of this in a few individuals here. But, man has it been difficult. To go from a place of having several deep life-bearing relationships to coming here and not being able to find these is tough. Being someone who is energized by others, this has killed me in many ways. And this may be one of the biggest reasons for feeling as if life has been squeezed out of me.

It’s a messy life we live. But I push on. With a lack of thriving, I search for new opportunities on my own. And things come. God provides. I will soon begin a project with homeless in downtown London. I’ll be helping teach these individuals photography skills and they will, in turn, document their lives in these homeless shelters. It will all end with an exhibition of their work.

Just as this opportunity looks ahead to mold me for the future, I ask for your prayers. Throughout the last couple weeks, I’ve been bombarded with thoughts about what’s next. I’m getting to the point where I feel that I need to decide on this. I don’t want July to come and I find myself sitting around with nothing to do and no direction to head. As for now, though, life goes on…