LOVE PART 2.

I guess this is just the week of love...what perfect timing.

I have actually been meaning to slap this up here for the past day or two but am just getting around to it. Even now, I question the full reality or even truth of it all. Because this isn't a magical transformation, change is at times hard to see. But, I believe I have seen it slowly nudge into view.

Anyways...after that last post a couple days ago, I laid in bed waiting to go to sleep with thoughts scrolling through my mind as usual. I was taken aback to the very first days of January, before everyone had returned for the new term. This was before the major tensions broke out. I was taken aback to a prayer I prayed. I don't remember the specifics. All I remember is that it related to something I was reading and the author had warned me that this was a dangerous prayer. I prayed it anyways. The prayer was this: that I would realize the hugeness of God and how I can do absolutely nothing on my own. That this world and life is all about Him. I cried this out.

And as I lay in bed the other night, I put my hands part way around the reality of this. Putting God in charge of everything. That means relationships. That means love. That means joy. Could it be that the life was squeezed out of me at that point, when I prayed that prayer. Could it be that I'm so used to finding 'things' that bring me life? Could it be that I'm so used to loving others on my own. Finally, I'm realizing that I can't do it. My love will fail. My nice little human produced happiness that I have mistaken for joy will not cut it.

Do you realize the magnitude of coming to grips with this? My eyes are only beginning to be opened to the truth of it all. But, as I've acknowledged this & began to recognize my need for dependence, the life seems to be slowly trickling back. I realize it's a slow process, but I believe the bitterness is beginning to fade. The love may possibly be starting to shine through the cracks.

We must face this. God is only going to work when we give Him room. If we're trapped in thinking that we can produce a humanistic horizontal-plane love, then we will become weary. The love must vertically come down from above. It must be an overflow and response to our Father's love for us. This is true life.

BEFORE & AFTER.

THAT FUNNY LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE.

Time for honesty. Read on if you so desire.

As I walked home from the prayer room last night I realized something. The current state of life here on Transit is always playing through my mind. But, as I walked, the entirety of my time here spanned across my thoughts. Five months down. While those days are threaded together as a whole, I can hardly help but view them as two seperates.

At the end of November life on Transit changed. How I see it, our trip to Northern Ireland was the breaking point. Before that trip I was mostly content with being here. Things were going alright. I was enjoying my time. I was happy. I was having fun. And things were good for the most part. In stepped Ireland and with it came a chance to remove myself a bit from the group. As I stepped back, I saw frustration after frustration. When it came down to it, I realized it was mostly rooted in a lack of prayer. We were building our lives on what appeared to be an unstable foundation. That weekend changed my heart and changed my mind. Suddenly I wasn't content with how things were on Transit. I was frustrated. And I no longer enjoyed being here. The life seemed to be squeezed out of me. After an incredible time with the family over the holidays, I stepped back into life here on Transit. I knew I had to now put my words into action. I wouldn't just talk about praying more. I would do it. This brought about 3 weeks of fasting and with that came an extreme hunger for God. That yearning was planted in my heart and has continued to grow.

Through these last couple months, God has burdened me with the idea that our lives must be centered on prayer and knowing Him. As I see it, everything will result from that. The picture I have is of Him pouring love into our lives that overflows out onto the lives of others. This makes complete sense. Yet I'm left confused.

During this past chunk of time of intimacy with God, where has the life gone? Why has falling more in love with Him resulted in falling more away from people? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Why, as I crave God more and more, do I keep getting frustrated with the fact that I don't enjoy life here? I pray that I would have joy. I pray that my heart would be changed so that I would have an abundance of love for others. Nothing. Does this not seem like a huge contradiction and unexplainable tension?

As I walked back from the prayer room tonight, I was left with the question of whether I am needing to see that I can't love on my own. If that's what God is trying to get across to me, I understand. I see it. Now can we move on? Can I have an outpouring of love and an extra dose of grace? I need it and that's turning into my prayer.

DESPERATE OBSESSION.

Whoever decided that a prayer room had to be normal? Zones. Requests. Lists. They all seem to look the same. Christmas Lights. Maps. Candles. Fabric. Paper. Paints. While I've only experienced a few within 24-7, I'm already bored with them. The creativity just seems to be lacking. We were determined to change that.

Many frustrations filled a few of us as this prayer week approached us. Like many things here, we didn't seem to found this week on prayer. Suddenly, it was a week before the launch and I wanted to have nothing to do with it. That changed last Monday. After a bit of (positive) complaining, our week got switched around a bit to give us more of a focus on this prayer room. Monday morning was the beginning of it as we found ourselves in an empty room praying for vision. A few of us came back with a similar desire we had already had for a prayer room...a completely white room. We spoke of painting the room white. But, that may upset a few people. We spoke of bringing in bunches of boards that were painted white. But, with a lack of budget, that would not be affordable. We spoke of white fabric. But, in my opinion, that just looks tacky. What to do?

As I've explained to a few people in the past, I am confident that the biggest task for an artist is learning to problem solve. It's at the root of all art. So, here I was again. Still not really wanting to have much to do with this room. Yet my mind was going wild. What about Post-It notes? Cover the room entirely. But, they don't stick to bricks too well. And, I'm not even sure if they make white ones. Although we do know someone here who works for 3M, which would be a plus. Why not just cut up 1/4 sheets of paper and stick them to the wall with sticky tack? By now the ball was rolling as me and Pinky (David) discussed the options.

Soon I realized that I really didn't like the idea of a purely white room. Throughout the week, the prayer 'graffiti' would make it more and more sloppy looking. It would unpurify the purity. Red. A red room. With only white paint and chalk allowed to be used. A single white light in the middle. Day after day, the room would be transformed from a red room to one of whiteness as the prayers splattered across the walls. Performance art. Call the Tate Modern, an art installation was about to step into an old rugged church.

A group of us found ourselves finishing the room last night and praying over the week that has now begun. During our prayer time, we found ourselves crying out to God to reveal his radical wild side during this week. As I gazed around at the nearly 6000 pieces of red paper, I could not get past their obsessive nature. The whole room evokes this quality. The words 'DESPERATE OBSESSION' kept scrolling through my mind again and again. I realized that these are not just words to label this room, although that is now it's name. They are more. They are words that I long to be a description for my life. I pray that I would be deserately obsessed with running after God. I'm sick of this 'happy Christian' mentality that we have. Tonight I found us singing 'sweet lullabies' to our Saviour. Is this really worship? Where is the heart? Where is the depth? Where is the honesty? Listen to our prayers. Where is the desperation?

I ask that you pray for this week of 24-7. Pray that God would show up in huge ways. Pray that we would see more of Him. Pray that our view would be massive...that it would extend beyond the walls that we've unintentionally built around Him. Pray that we would each learn what it means to have a desperate obsession for God.

I'M GETTING OLD.

Thanks to all of you who sent greetings to make yesterday a day to remember! Here's how the day played out...

Upon arriving home from a days work at the Construction Bus, I was greeted by cards, candles, and a banner spilled out across my room with the above cake (see the resemblance?) and a rendition of "Happy Birthday" as I opened the door. A delicious dinner was awaiting and as the moments went by I had to work to receive my gifts from the team. Very good gifts, I must admit. But I had to work to figure out riddles that told me what was inside. After dessert I was blindfolded and tossed in the minibus for a short trip to a surprise destination. After another walk with no sight I found myself in Windsor, home of the queen's country castle. There, we celebrated English style with drinks in a local pub before traveling home.

A day for the books filled with many surprises and much excitement. Another year down, another year older, THE BIG 2-3...

GOD'S STORY.

06FEB07 Neh 1-2
07FEB07 Neh 6:15-7:3
08FEB07 Neh 8-9
09FEB07 Mal 3-4
10FEB07 s-i-l-e-n-c-e