HOME SWEET HOME.

I sit in Tampa Int'l Airport. It's empty. It's quiet. It's nearly 2am. In just over 4 hours I board a flight. I'm going home.

PAINT A PICTURE.

I think it's finally beginning to make sense. As I spoke with someone last night, words spilled out of my mouth without even thinking. The underlying reality of the year seems to be this...

I came to this place to change. It's as simple as that. I wanted to found myself in Christ more than ever before. I thought I came with few expectations. I was careful of that. But, the truth is, I came with expectations. I came and wanted to step into a program. I wanted a program that would mold me. I wanted a modeled lifestyle that would set a pattern for the future. I wanted leaders that would challenge me. I wanted relationships that would transform me. Very vague expectations, yet expectations none the least.

Void.

They didn't happen.

Empty promises.

And yet (and here's the real kicker), I have gained what I wanted most of all. I have been drawn even more into that ultimate relationship. The truth is that I cannot help but to give God the credit for this transformation. He was the one to change. He was the one to mold. He was the one to challenge.

We must realize that when we give God the time and space in our lives, He will work. And He will fulfill our desires and cries of our hearts. This is an incredible truth!

Today I said goodbye to London.

As I walked across the bridge over the River Thames for what will be the last time during this season in my life, an army quickly moved towards me...an army of a couple hundred naked people on what was supposedly their annual bike trek across the city in protest of oil dependence and high petrol prices. Meanwhile, a busker sat on the side of the pavement letting 'Bittersweet Symphony' ring from his lips. As I continued walking, crowds of what seemed to be every ethnicity passed by. Each person, with their creativity expressed through their clothing, faded together into one whole. Individuality stripped away...seemingly more easily the more extreme. Tourists with their maps looking both lost and excited. Oversized Oxfam photographs screaming with messages to end world poverty. Big Ben continued to stand strong and firm in the distance. The clock ticked away. And the London Eye still slowly rotated just as it did on the day of its first sighting nine months ago...

Oh what a place.

UNTITLED 1.

For all you crazy people out there who have somehow managed to stalk my blog over the past 9 months, I raise my glass to you and say, "Cheers!" It's been a crazy shipwreck of a ride. A ride that at times has gone on for far too long and at other points has flown by. A ride that has brought me down and back up again.

But, every ride must come to an end. And for me, that end is quickly approaching. In just over a week, I will board a plane headed for the U S of A. On the 13th of June I will fall from the sky and hopefully land on American soil. Exciting days lie ahead. More on what's next at a later date...

For now, I'm left with a whirl-wind storming through my mind. I'm sure that I will soon wake up in the States and feel as if I've just passed through a dream. In the meantime, though, I look back on this year with such refreshment. I look back and see hours upon hours...days upon days...where I was able to think of nothing but life. I look back and see the lowest lows. I look back and see frustration after frustration. But, mostly, I look back and see God's hand guiding me through it all.

And was it enjoyable? I think back to the 29th of December...the day my family left the UK. I think back to my mom asking me what I pictured the upcoming months to be. I clearly remember saying that I knew it would be "good, but not in the normal sense of the word." I didn't expect or desire fun and games for these past months. So, was it good? As I walked through a field near our house this past week, I was struck with awe. It was a field where I found myself for many-a-nights in the death of winter. It was a place of intimate encounters with the Creator. It was a place of rain and mud and sloshy puddles. Yet peace seemed to always fill that patch of land stuck in the middle of chaos. As I walked through the field just over a week ago, the grass was stretching up to my waist. Wild flowers were splashed across the canvas. During my time away, life had grown out of nothing. Not just the mediocre. Abundant life.

I scan back over the words of this blog and stumble upon the 16th of October. On that day, I find the following words:

"Pray that I would be shaken up during my time here. (Whatever that means.) Pray that I would continue to learn more about myself, and that those things I learn would cause me to be drawn even nearer to Christ. Pray that I would have the desire and drive to pour my entire being into this time…that I would be changed…that I would be molded."

I have indeed been shaken up. Whatever that means. I have learned about myself. As I've stepped out of "normal" life, I've been drawn nearer to Christ than ever before. The desire has been ever so present. I have been changed. I have been molded. And so yes, I can say that this time has been good. Very good.